My Mental Space

Indeed, distractions. Heh. I’ve been meaning to come back to this for the last 6 months(!) but life has kept me busy in a lot of ways. And of course I do this without checking my laptop battery and find it’s down to around 10%, so this won’t be a super long post, but I guess I should bring y’all up to speed.

I did sell the house in the end, it was for what I wanted. Bills got paid, pressure went away for awhile, and since then my mood has been worlds better. Not perfect, but still much much better than what I was dealing with. I still have ups and downs, but the feeling that I’m no longer simply in a survival state is a very wonderful feeling.

A couple of fun things that have been happening in the last few months though have helped keep my mood extra regular and positive; Warcraft has become something of a pastime for me again, and I’ve also been very in-depth with my finances, with a little help from Claude to set up the tables and organize the information, which has been helping me to work out a game plan for upgrading my car and making it a lot more fun to drive and own. I’d like to get the project done by fall of ’27, or by the Dream Cruise, more accurately. I’ve added a couple of software tunes, an intake, and rims and tires. It drives so nice right now and it feels good to finally get serious about something I’ve wanted to do for years to a car.

The hard part is still haunting me though – getting a job and being able to hold onto it. I was taking photos of cars for a time, and while many said that it was a job made for me, there was one thing that kept it from being my job – high-paced quotas. I almost made it to the bare minimum once. I also did make mistakes at times that frustrated folks, but when I made it to the highest point I could manage, I realized that I couldn’t keep the pace they expected of me and it took all the fight out of me. The nail in the coffin was the massive heatwave that hit near the end of June that was oppressive for weeks on end. I realized I couldn’t handle it and turned in my resignation. Irony is, after that, we started having issues with our AC, which ended up with us getting a new unit and the office having to get new lines run to support the workload. “Amusingly”, it started and ended with our downstairs neighbors. I feel bad for them but it was as it was.

Right now, things are feeling rather tight, but both me and my partner are doing our best to stay strong. He’s making a habit of going to the gym, and I’m trying to get that habit going for myself as well. I have 2 meetings involving jobs tomorrow though they aren’t involving the field I’ve been striving for, becoming a Pharmacy tech. I’m still going to try my best for that, but I’ll take what I can get for a job at the moment. John wants me to go back to school, and so do I, but I want to do so without being under duress by life. I want it to feel natural, not out of a sort of desperation.

So my battery’s almost to the dregs, so I need to wrap this up. I’ll try to make this more of a habit again. I’ll probably be moving the blog to a new address though, if at all possible, as the .org version encourages making your own version of a page, and John has website hosting abilities, so why not do things to start being serious about this too.

Life has a lot of darkness to deal with around us, but we can be lights that make things less gloomy for ourselves and the others around us. Shining is better anyway. We aren’t made to be shadows.